I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
