Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
