i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
