sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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