I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
