You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
