3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
