chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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