his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
