All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
