So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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