Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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