He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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