no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
