need another drink. this is the easiest way
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
