apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
