She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
