I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
