i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
