Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
