not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
