WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
