The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
sarcasm needs its own font
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
