How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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