My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
