I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
