her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
