you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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