Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
