I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
