Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
