Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
