someone owes me an orgasm
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
