I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
