Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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