I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
