I cannot find my penis.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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