Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
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