Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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