Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
