The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
