Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
