the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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