I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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