Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
