the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Its about making memories worth repressing
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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