my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
