thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I need to calm my uterus...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
