so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
