did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
