I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize