I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
