Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
