Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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