OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
